I figured I haven't given you one of these in awhile. A drunk slurring voicemail message. Or a drunk call. I've been trying to be good because if you can't have fun, why should I? Fuck I should never drink scotch but peer pressure made me do it, and I don't have will power. You're probably asleep, which is why you're not picking up. It's a good thing, probably the best thing for you to not witness this, cause I feel like when I'm on my vice, I'm either really happy go lucky, belligerent, or fucking sappy as shit. I think I might be the last two. I can't believe I've been such an idiot right before you left for California all of a sudden. I feel like an idiot cause I would complain about not seeing you for a couple of days... when this turned into couple of weeks... to nearly a month.
Oh shit. Fu--, hold on.
Ok I'm back. I just spilled scotch on the ass pants you got me. I'm sorry, it'll come off with some club soda. And it's dark in here. No one else can see. I'm sorry that I can't be more mature about the situation. I bring up the jokes, and the complaints of not getting laid not because I'm really that repressed but I mean I am, it's just...
Fuck. I told myself I wouldn't make this too long. I'd make it sweet and short. Or short and sweet. You know what I mean. I almost wanted to make a dirty joke there but I'm restraining myself. Cause you don't find it funny anymore, or did you ever? Ok warning, Imma sound like a pansy so don't make fun of me, ok? Liquid courage is also truth syrum.
When I heard that you got into that accident, my heart stopped. My senses went numb. And I couldn't breathe. It was like, whatever pain you went through, I was right there with you. I know that shit sounds wayyy dramatic and poetic but the thought of losing you to something out of my reach, something out of my control was too much for me to handle. You're right. You're the P.I.M.P. I went to go out to see you. That was my first priority. Fuck the business. Fuck the power position. Fuck Linc. Fuck everything that I thought used to be important to me.
Oh shit your damn voicemail lady cut me off. Where was I? Ok so uhh, sorry for cursing a lot. When I didn't hear from you, I worried, thought of the worst situation, and then told myself to chill like you would always tell me. I was used to our daily talks... but that had stopped, which was why I was worried. But I feel like it has stopped now, and I understand you need your time to heal. You need the space to think of what had happened. When I saw you on that hospital bed, I felt like the shittiest guy on earth. I blamed myself for that accident. I should have been ... I don't know I should have done something. I fucking hate the hopeless feeling. I don't even believe in that. I was scared. Scared like a little bitch. And I know you hate that. Or me admitting that. That's why I need the booze to be honest. I was being immaturely funny or silly or what you called, not funny because I couldn't face my own truth. My own fears. I'd rather you think of me as the annoying not funny kid then realize that I truly thought I'd lose you. That pessimistic nancy.
You always call me an ass, and I feel like that's been part of my charm and defense mechanism all of these years. My scapegoat that would attract people to me for some reason. You saw right through that, and that's why I love you for it. You were there for me when I thought no one would be. You were there for me when I gave up on people. You were there when I needed someone the most. I used to think that me being the playboy type that pretended to not respect women, and thought that power was the end all to happiness, I was just fucked up and fooling myself. Every argument, every moment that you made me giddy like a child on Christmas morning, yeah yeah, that sounds fucking cliche but I don't care. Every moment with you makes me realize that life is fragile... fate is fucking with us... and that's why I try that much harder to make this work. I guess my bottom line to this fucking long ass slurred ramble is that I love you. It ain't just puppy shit. This past year has been one of the best. You've restored my faith in people, baby. I'll always be here for you, and that won't even make a fucking dent. Because hell, baby, I'm indebted to you. Shit. I think someone overheard my last lines. I gotta go defend my badassness. I'm sorry I had to be slightly buzzed to tell you this. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. Oh and I'll try to remember I just embarrassed myself on your voicemail. I hope this shit gets through, or maybe not.